Monday, August 28, 2006

The lessons of Conan

It is time to reveal the truth. Though I am a Socialist CHRISTIAN hippie, there is a small part of my heart that still belongs to Crom.

There are pages upon pages written about being a Christian, but not many, if any, pages devoted to what we can learn from "Coanna the Barbarian"

One: What are the best things in life?

To Kill your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

(That is, if you are a barbarian, or follow a morality similar to that of the current president. As a Christian Hippie whilst I enjoy the premise for an action adventure film, be sure, my life is Not based on this)

What really makes Vulsa Doom grieve?

Killing his snake.

Thou shalt not kill (especially Mr. Doom's large snake)

Where does Crom live?

In his mountain. Where he is waiting for the riddle of steel.

Jesus has no such test, though if you've found the answer to the riddle of steel, he might like to hear it. Or not. Hard to tell. One of Jehova's many mysteries.

What does the God of the four winds think?

He laughs at Crom.

Jesus would laugh at Crom. He's a pretty funny guy, sitting in his mountain.

We should remember always, that God is in all things. Even in films written by Oliver Stone.

"Crucify him on the tree of Woe"

Speaking of that, with all this rain, it seems the tree of woe came down on my back fence. I must go and tend to it with the "Insurance Adjuster" from the ninth level of hell.

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